What you focus on is what you get.
You'll feel better if you stop complaining.
A little bit of complaining is fine, and even enjoyable (OK, really enjoyable), but if you cut out 90% of your complaining you would be so much happier. There's a myth that it's important to vent and "let it out", otherwise those negative feelings will fester and grow. And it's true that people should be assertive and speak up and not let people mistreat them. But that's different than complaining. Grumbling about things all day long just makes you more miserable. Sometimes my clients will insist that they have a right to complain, and of course they do, but I maintain they have a right to feel a lot better!
What you focus on is what you get. If you're focusing on all the negative things in your daily life, then the negative is all you're going to notice. Just cut back on complaining for three weeks, and you'll notice two things: 1) You complain a lot more than you think, and 2) You'll start to feel better about your life.
Here's how to break the complaining habit:
Other things that will help you stop complaining are:
One more thing: a separate issue is when someone complains about the same thing over and over again, sometimes for years. This happens a lot in relationships. Complaining is not a substitute for action. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
What you focus on is what you get. If you're focusing on all the negative things in your daily life, then the negative is all you're going to notice. Just cut back on complaining for three weeks, and you'll notice two things: 1) You complain a lot more than you think, and 2) You'll start to feel better about your life.
Here's how to break the complaining habit:
- Find a rubber band that's not uncomfortably tight and wear it on your wrist all day long.
- Try not to complain.
- Every time you notice yourself complaining, give the rubber band a gentle snap (don't hurt yourself). Gradually you'll start catching yourself in time before the complaint can happen.
- If it feels OK to do so, ask the people around you to let you know when you're complaining again, because it can be hard for you to notice at first.
- Do this even if you notice yourself complaining silently in your head.
- If it helps, substitute something positive in place of the complaint.
Other things that will help you stop complaining are:
- making the effort to appreciate all the good things in your life.
- mindfulness meditation.
- helping others.
One more thing: a separate issue is when someone complains about the same thing over and over again, sometimes for years. This happens a lot in relationships. Complaining is not a substitute for action. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
